


Matters of the heart

by dementedgoat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Edwin Jarvis, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Dialogue Heavy, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26218543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dementedgoat/pseuds/dementedgoat
Summary: Whenever Tony was hurt Jarvis was always there to help him.
Relationships: Ana Jarvis & Tony Stark, Edwin Jarvis & Tony Stark, Howard Stark & Tony Stark, Maria Stark & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	Matters of the heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I am new to writing so this is me trying something new.  
> Enjoy!

Sun light was coming from the northeast window falling directly on his face, he blinked once then twice trying to make out where he was standing.

“Anthony?”

He turned around and came face to face with the one person he thought he would never meet again.

“Am I dead?” Tony asked.

Jarvis laughed, it was very like his Anthony to ask direct and blunt questions.

“No dear, look around you”. Jarvis replied.

He looked down he was wearing his white button down shirt and black slacks but he was barefoot,it was odd, what was he doing here? then he looked at Jarvis then really looked at him, he looked as he did all those years ago when Tony was two years old and Jarvis had carried him in his arms all day after tony had fell and scrapped his knee and refused to walk, much to his parents disapproval.

He looked around and realized he was standing in Jarvis’s kitchen, he had spent a lot of time here more so than he did in his own home.

He walked around and sat on the tool which he would so desperately try to climb when he was a child and would refuse help from anybody until he did it on his own .

One day Ana was taking out a plate of cookies from the oven when Tony in all his 3 year old glory has finally managed to climb the stool and had shrieked on the top of his lungs and Ana had dropped all the nice cookies on the floor.

Tony cackled.

“What am I doing here Jar?” asked Tony.

“I think it has been a long time since we talked.” replied Jarvis.

“Not my fault, you left me.” said Tony.

“I see your ability to hold a grudge has not changed.” said Jarvis.

“Well, you can’t teach an old dog a new trick.” replied Tony.

Jarvis chuckled.

Jarvis walked from the middle of the room towards Tony and sat beside him.

“Well I can try. I think you know why you are here. You aren’t just trying hard enough to remember.” said Jarvis

Did I hit my head. I definitely would have to hit my head hard if I am dreaming all of this, sitting here trying to talk to you.” replied Tony.

Jarvis smiled it was nice to see some habits really didn’t go away easily.

“ I think you are here to understand few things, maybe you have come to old me for some good old fashion advice.” said Jarvis

"What happened Anthony? Asked Jarvis

After a beat Tony replied “I think they finally broke me Jarvis.”

“Oh Anthony!”

“I think I was hurt, must be hurt pretty badly to be doing this.” said Tony.

“You know out of all your traits which one I liked the most ?” asked Jarvis

Without waiting for a reply he continued, “ you were always resilient, always so persistent, nobody taught you that. For some time, when you were growing up I didn’t know what to do with you, you were always a bright eyed curious child, getting in all sorts of trouble since day one. I was always so scared for you, you would always fall down but then you would pick yourself up , without fail you would pick yourself up. I looked at you and realized you were a little bundle of trouble hell bent on surviving on sheer will and stubbornness.”

“What happened Anthony?” asked Jarvis again

This time with a melancholic smile on his face Tony said “ There was a fight I guess.”

Tony ran a hand over his chest and realized there was heavy bandages on his chest, he panicked and tore off the buttons from his chest and opened his shirt. Under his shirt was his chest heavily bandaged but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out from where did that come.

He looked up at Jarvis, “What?…….

“Easy Anthony, you are currently lying in a hospital somewhere on the sunny side of America refusing to wake up.” said Jarvis.

“I think there was a fight with someone important, someone I love. I think I lost.” said Tony.

Tony realized there were some memories at the back of his mind, knocking on some metaphorical door wanting, waiting to be let out. But Tony didn’t want to let these memories out he didn’t want to think about them. He was here with Jarvis he just wanted to stay here forever.

“You can’t stay here forever, my child.” said Jarvis

Tony looked up to him, how did he know? Tony thought, nothing was making sense, what was he doing here? Didn’t he have a fight! that would explain the bandages but he said he fought with someone important, but then what was he doing here, What was he doing here in his childhood home? What was Jarvis doing here? Wait did Jarvis just say that he was in a hospital refusing to wake up.

“Focus Anthony, you know why you are here, you know what your mind has been thinking for the past week, you know why you wanted me here, just focus Anthony.” said Jarvis

Tony looked at Jarvis and he felt cold creep into his bone and he shivered he thinks he is cold but he could feel the sunlight fall on his face then why was he cold, why did his head feel heavy?

“You are not cold Tony, heartbroken definitely.” said Jarvis.

“I think I have had my share of heartbreak for this lifetime.” said Tony

“Oh! Definitely my child I think you have had enough of heartbreak, but that never stopped you did it? You always were so carefree with your heart, your love. Like I said you would fall down and then you would always get up. Similarly you would feel your heartbreak, then put your heart back and give your love unconditionally to whoever asked next. I always admired your resilience.” said Jarvis.

“Why me Jarvis?” asked Tony

“I don’t think I had the answer to that when you were fourteen year old , I don’t think I have the answer to it today.”

Tony smiled as if he had years of pain, disappointment , agony, melancholy hidden behind it as if he even let it out once he would break, fearing he had reached a point where he couldn’t put himself back together.

“You always were so strong Tony, even when your father mistreated you, when your mother failed to see your pain behind your innocent eyes you would always tell me that it all happened so that you could become better, as if you weren’t perfect the way you were born. I would often tell you that you didn’t need to be better, that you were my perfect little bajkeverő (Hungarian for trouble-maker).

Tony laughed at the memory, he remembered telling Jarvis that with trial and error he would become the best version of himself,the best son. In all his naivety he had thought had if he could collect all the feedback from his father’s responses and attitude towards himself he could make a good enough report and then analyse all of his shortcomings and change himself accordingly.

Once he had realized how fundamentally fucked up that was and that his father was the one who was not good enough he had taken those papers and lit them up with his father’s blowtorch.

“Why are we discussing all of this here Jarvis?” asked Tony.

Jarvis looked at Tony for a moment and said “cause you have been hurt again Tony.”

“I think this time you have been hurt too deep and one time too many. I think instead of crying and screaming you have gone numb, numb from the pain, numb from the betrayal.” Said Jarvis

Betrayal that words was all too familiar, he had stumbled across the word, felt it, lived it, resented it and then had tried to forget it. But forgetting was never easy for Tony.

“I think I just want to forget all of it Jarvis, rip the band-aid away and move on.” said Tony.

“That is one option” replied Jarvis.

“What's the other?” asked Tony.

“Rebuilding” replied Jarvis.

Tony put his elbows on the bar and his head between his arms, if he could concentrate he would almost hear anna softly humming the tunes to some Hungarian song while mixing chocolate chip in the cookie batter softly looking up to him giving him the most gentle smile and putting some chocolate chips in his mouth for being such a good boy.

Tony loved the Jarvises more than his parents.

“I think I am tired J” said Tony.

“ I know, I have seen you rebuilding yourself since a young age, I always wondered if you would ever give up, you always surprised me when you always fought, got up and never give up. I told you Tony you were hell bent on surviving from the first day.

“What if I don’t want to do that anymore.?”

“Then you come with me, but I don’t think that is what you want. Do you wish for all of this to stop , for your heart to stop hurting, for you to stop feeling drained all of them, yes you want all of that but I don’t think you want to stop.” said Jarvis

“Tell me what to do?” asked Tony

“That is the one thing I have failed to do, telling you what to do always felt so wrong, you were always so smart, so thoughtful, so free as if not meant for this world yet so resound so grounded you felt everything in your soul, watching you carve your own path was always like watching somebody create art, so beautiful, so gorgeous that sometimes I felt as if I was not worthy of looking at it.” Said Jarvis

Tony looked at him in astonishment and a little confused, what was the point all of all of this?

“I am just reminding you that you always were strong Tony, you were like the sun always shining, you were always moving forward as if you personally despised giving up. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong in wanting to stop once in a while, to rest. to want to restart, but you, you always wanted to go on, move forward just wanted to take anything make it better, live life and move on. You always were like a wind whirl nothing could stop you” said Jarvis

“I don’t think that applies anymore.” replied Tony

“There’s where you are wrong, you are all of those things and more now.”

"Why are you saying all of this to me? asked Tony.

“Because of all the things that you are a self-lover is not something that you are, never have been, it did fall on your closest friends to remind you from time to time that you are human not a means to an end not just some engineer not a problem solver but a human with a beating heart. I think you were hurt pretty badly to have come to me this time.”

“I didn’t think coming to you was even an option!” said Tony

“Coming to me has always been an option, I may not be there but I also never left you Anthony.” said Jarvis

“I don’t think I have the energy anymore J!”

“I think it is going to take a long time to get there, it will be a long road, but you will get there, I am sure of it. I wont tell you what to do, you always do what makes sense to you, but I will tell you this Tony forgive but don’t forget.”

“My god that was corny” replied Tony.

Jarvis laughed. He then turned his face toward tony and saw that four year old boy clutching his pant leg trying to hide his hurt after having his heartbroken for the very first time by his father.

“You were never very good with matters of the heart, you always told me that you couldn’t understand it because there was no equation behind it, no math , no logic, no science. I think you were just trying to protect what was broken ruthlessly.

“I did a pretty shit job for it to be broken again like this.” replied Tony

“I don’t think you did a bad job, you trusted and you loved with your whole heart, if you ask me you did a good job, your choice was to trust it was someone else’s choice to break it.” said Jarvis

Jarvis then got up and walked towards the eggshell colored refrigerator that was kept on the opposite end of the kitchen. Ana had insisted on the color of the refrigerator said it a balance of color to the kitchen. he looked at all the pictures that were stuck on the fridge with magnets.

Jarvis would have fought anybody who said Tony wasn’t his son, maybe he wasn’t his biological son but he was not going to disrespect their relationship like that. Since the moment that little bundle was placed in his arms Tony has become his and Ana’s whole world.

“You remember the Halloween you dressed up as Captain America?” asked Jarvis

There was a sharp intake of breath behind him, Jarvis knew what Tony was thinking at this exact moment, realizing why he was here, what was going on.

In this instance Tony was realizing what those bandages across his chest really meant. This was the very moment when he realized what had happened in Siberia, what had happened between him and Steve. Captain America whom he had loved, looked up to his entire childhood and then when he had turned a new leaf started a new chapter in his life, a super soldier had all but crashed into his life. Tony had seen his admiration and hero worship towards Captain America turn into a bright burning love towards Steve Rogers.

Tony loved Steve with all his might and then some more, he was convinced that Steve was was the good and pure thing in his life that he wont be able taint or destroy, because the blonde had planted himself in tony's life like a flower growing thru the cracks in concrete and refused to leave. Iron man and Captain America's romance was a whirl wind, it was too fast and all too encompassing. All his life Tony had held himself responsible for something or the other and hated himself but he loved Steve so much, he loved him so much he forgot what hating himself felt like.Tony had served his heart and trust to Steve on a silver platter and at the end Steve had left a vibranium shield shaped dent in it.

  
When he turned around there a tear rolling down Tony’s check, “You always loved him Tony, a love like that isn’t easily forgotten, but maybe you don’t have to forget it. When you truly love somebody you never stop Tony, nor do you truly let go, you get angry, you hurt but never let go.”

What if I don’t want to hold on anymore? Asked Tony

“Oh my dear boy I am not asking you to hold on to it but I guess all I am saying is you can love someone, care for them, forgive them and not want to meet them again and I think that’s okay.

“How do you always make it so easy Jarv?”

“Nothing has ever been easy for you Tony” replied Jarvis

“I don’t think I can hate anymore!” said Tony

“Love seldom makes it easy to hate” replied Jarvis

Tony wanted to stay here, stay here forever in his home with Ana and Jarvis where love always flowed freely, he thought that maybe he could stay here, but deep in his heart he would know that he couldn’t stay here, just like he knew he was meant to survive, meant to go on, meant to live his life with some of the best people he knew.

“Go Tony, this place is not for you, not for a long time anyway.” said Jarvis

Tony got up and walked towards Jarvis , he hugged him as if his life depended on him, as if he was getting hugged after ages, as if he hugged him tightly enough he would make him stay forever.

“My time is up Tony, but you, you have a lot left to do , it wont be easy, wont be easy for a while, you wont might not even remember this but I know you and I know you will make it alright. I love you Anthony.”

“I Love you too Jarvis” said Tony

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! writing is hard. I stumbled across this fandom a little while ago and has loved it from day one, had a little pent up emotions from civil war which I had to let out. Thank you for reading.  
> Might turn it into a multi chapter work  
> Feel free to give constructive criticism. All mistakes are my own.


End file.
